


Time and Space

by Rae325



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae325/pseuds/Rae325
Summary: River has just escaped from the library when the TARDIS arrives to bring her to a newly regenerated Doctor in need of her help.





	1. Chapter 1

River is sitting outside the destroyed library when the ship shimmers into focus. She hadn’t known what to do when she had finally been free of that place. Time had stopped and yet drawn on infinitely within the computer, drawn on so long that finally Cal had asked River if there was a way to stop going on. It had saddened River and yet she felt ready, felt as if maybe it was time to stop hoping that the Doctor would save her one day. But Cal, the sweet, brilliant girl who had become something of a daughter to River, had promised that she wouldn’t give up until they had found a way for River to escape. And they had. The brilliant girl had found a way to give River a new birth, same face, but with a full set of regenerations, had taken advantage of River’s time lord DNA to set her free before Cal had destroyed the library with herself in it.

River is sitting outside now, feeling the sun on her skin, overcome with nervousness at the thought of going to see the Doctor – silly really, she thinks, he looked so devastated when they parted ways on Darillium. And yet in the back of her mind is the nagging thought that he’s always known this wasn’t forever, and maybe he will feel differently if there’s no end date.

But before she can think too long on it there’s the TARDIS. River smiles, happy to see the old girl, and waits expectantly to see which version of her husband will appear. Minutes pass and no one appears, and so River walks up to the box, its doors swinging open for her. She doesn’t see the Doctor, barely registers anything before the ship is heading back into the vortex and landing seconds later. 

River’s stomach drops, dread overwhelming her at what she will find when the doors open. Outside it’s dark save for the light that the TARDIS projects onto the crumpled form of a woman lying in the snow. River runs out the door and bends down next to the woman, turns her gently so her face is up. That face, River knows it in an instant. This woman had come to River during her darkest days, after Manhattan, when River had been spiraling out of control. This woman had stopped River from becoming a true psychopath. She had shown River love when River had felt truly unlovable, had shown her the most love River ever know before going to Darillium. 

She’s lying in the snow now, barely conscious, mumbling and shivering. River kneels down, presses a palm to her cheek. The air is buzzing with regeneration energy and River knows instantly who this is, thinks how blind she must have been all those years ago to not have known. “Doctor,” River whispers, pushing soaking blonde locks back from her face.

“No.” The Doctor clenches her eyes shut more tightly, her face contorted in pain. 

“Doctor, it’s me River.”

“Not real.” She shakes her head, appears more and more distress, pulling away from River with what little strength she has. Something bad must have happened because River remembers the feeling of regeneration and the surge of almost frantic energy that remained in its wake. 

“Sweetie, open your eyes.” River presses a kiss to the cool skin of the Doctor’s forehead. “I’m here. I’m real.”

Hazel eyes blink open, those same old eyes that River loves so dearly. She had loved this face for a year, had even married her, half in jest one night in Las Vegas, but always with the thought in the back of her mind that if she hadn’t loved the Doctor that she could have truly promised herself to this mysterious woman who had brought light back to her life. “There you are, my love.”

“River?” the Doctor’s eyes fill with tears. “You look just like you did when-“ She stops herself, has enough presence of mind River thinks to realize that her statement would be spoilers.

“I’ve just left the library.”

“But how?” Her eyes are wide and frantic now, searching River over as if trying to decide if this is all a product of her regeneration addled mind.

“I’ll explain everything once we make certain that you’re alright.”

“Always am.” There’s a sadness to the smile on the Doctor’s face that makes River wonder what she’s been through since they last met. 

“Come now Doctor,” River coaxes, reaching behind her wife to hoist her up to a sitting position. The Doctor’s head lolls against River’s chest. “Can you stand?”

“Don’t know.”

“Let’s try. You’re lying in the snow. We need to get you back into the TARDIS.”

The Doctor’s eyes focus on River then. “You’re here.”

“I am. And I’m already rather fond of this face on you, so how about we get you out of the cold before you find yourself regenerating again.”

“Put it off a bit too long this time.” 

“Why would you do that?” River scolds, helping the Doctor to stand and walk slowly the few steps into the TARDIS. The doors shut behind them and the ship sets them off into the vortex. “Thank you dear.” River whispers to the TARDIS, pressing a palm to the wall.

“She likes you best.” The Doctor pouts making River chuckle.

“She seems awfully fond of you too sweetie. Picked me up to come fetch you from the snow and all.”

Their bedroom appears just past the console room, looks exactly the same as when River last saw it, a picture of the two of them renewing the wedding vows besides the singing towers on the bedside table. “Did you keep this here all these years.”

“Of course I did. You’re still my wife.” The Doctor sits on the side of the bed, appears to have regained some of her strength.

“I’m going to remove these wet clothes now Doctor.”

“You haven’t changed a bit.” The Doctor smirks, and River thinks it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. They have all the time in the universe now, and River vows to remove all the traces of pain and sadness from her Doctor’s face.

River smiles as she removes the oversized coat from the Doctor’s shoulders before unbuttoning her vest and dress shirt. River pushes the layers from the Doctor, tries her best to not stare at the Doctor’s naked chest. 

The Doctor glances up shyly. “Is this ok River? A wife instead of a husband.”

“It’s marvelous. You’re marvelous Doctor. I cannot wait to show you just how much I adore this new body.”

“You’re really here?” the Doctor asks, eyes finding River’s again and holding them, searching.

“I am.” 

“How is that possible?”

“Cal. The girl inside the computer. She didn’t want to go on any longer. She’d had enough. But she refused to stop until she found a way for me to survive.”

The Doctor reaches out to grasp River’s hand between hers. “You feel like regeneration energy.”

“So do you,” River comments with a smile.

The Doctor stands on shaky legs, not needing to unbuckle her oversized trousers to remove them. River takes two robes from the closet, thinks fondly of the days they spent on Darillium without ever properly getting dressed. She helps the Doctor into her robe and sits her back on the bed. River makes quick work of removing her own white dress, looks at it with a scowl. “Been wearing that thing for eons it feels like.” 

The Doctor smiles, admires River as she puts a robe on. 

“Come here,” River instructs as she lays down besides the Doctor and extends her arm. The Doctor settles her head on her wife’s chest, her arm wrapping around River’s waist. River pulls the blanket over both of them, pleased that the Doctor has already stopped shivering now that she’s out of her wet clothes.

“How long did you put off regenerating Sweetie?”

“Not certain. A week perhaps.”

“A week! Doctor that’s incredibly dangerous. You risked missing the chance to regenerate at all.”

“I’m so tired River.” Her voice is small and sad, and suddenly River feels so close to tears as the Doctor continues. “That was the face that finally became a good husband to you. The face that was a good friend, maybe even a good man.”

River runs her hands up and down the Doctor’s back. She wishes she could soothe the pain away, erase the bone deep weariness she can hear in her wife’s voice. “That doesn’t change because you have a new face. And I’ll let you in on a secret: I already know that you are a wonderful wife.”

“You’ve seen this face before?”

“Married this face before too.”

“Isn’t that spoilers?”

“I think I’m going to need to send you back there.” River realizes. “I should have known. Clever woman falls out of the sky and swoops me away. Who else would I fall in love with but you?” River smiles fondly.

“Wait a minute.” The Doctor props herself up to look at River. “When you told me that I reminded you of your second wife, was that me?”

“It was. And I loved you so much.”

The Doctor looks hopeful, a smile forming on her lips.

“I was in a dark place,” River says. “About to burn a planet to ash. You appeared and stopped me.”

The Doctor’s smile vanishes instantly. “When?” 

“After Manhattan.”

“Because of me. Because I hurt you.”

“You’ll make it up to me a million times over,” River reassures her wife, running fingers through soft blonde hair. 

“You’ll show me what love and mercy are at a time when I’m just about to forget.”

“I hurt you terribly River. I know that.”

“It was a long time ago. You’re forgiven Doctor. Always. Just as you forgive me. You’re my wife.” River says with a smile. “You stayed on Darillium even though you knew how I was going to die. You saw me die the day you met me.” They haven’t talked about it yet, and River knows how hard it must have been, especially when the Doctor was younger to put that aside and love River anyway. “You knew I was going to die and you spent 24 years with me.”

“Those were the best years of my life.”

“Mine too. But I think we can do better.”

“You’ll stay?” The Doctor is smiling, and River marvels at how beautiful she is, how that smile lights up her whole face.

“If you want me to,” River says with a hint of anxiety. There had always been an end point for the Doctor, and River wonders if things have changed now with the prospect of millennia between them.

“All I’ve ever wanted is for us to travel together.” There’s hurt in the Doctor’s voice as she tries to understand. "You’ve never wanted that before.”

“I was afraid,” River admits. She had opened up to the Doctor during their years together, let him see her vulnerable for the first time. It’s so easy to continue now, even after all the time spent apart, the intimacy they built during their years on Darillium remains. “Before Darillium I was convinced that if you ever saw who I really was that you wouldn’t want me.”

“Please tell me you know that isn’t true now.”

“I do.”

“You’ll travel with me then?”

“As long as you want.”

“Forever. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” The Doctor sighs, “It’s been so long River.”

“For me too. But I’m here now.”

“I’m sorry.” The Doctor leans up to kiss River. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you”

“I’m here Sweetie.”

“I’ve failed everyone. Bill, Missy, you. I’ve failed you so many times.”

“Enough of that. You didn’t fail me. You can tell me about Bill and Missy when you like. But I don’t want you thinking that you failed me. Not when you’ve saved me so many times.” The Doctor closes her eyes and rests her head on River’s chest. “You need to rest. You must have been in so much pain trying not to regenerate for that long.” 

The Doctor doesn’t respond, so River goes on. “Can I tell you another secret?” The Doctor looks up again, her eyes so weary. She had tried not to regenerate, had risked not going on at all. The thought makes River sick. River stares at the face that had saved River at her very lowest, reminded her of her humanity. It’s River’s turn to give the Doctor hope now. “I came back with a full set of regenerations.”

“What?” The Doctor sits up, swaying unsteadily.

River smiles. “Come here before you fall over.” She props pillows up behind them and wraps her arm around her wife again. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too, River. I don’t think I told you enough in any of my past faces, but I love you. I want to be a proper wife to you now.”

“You were a wonderful husband too. When I went to the library I had no doubt that you loved me Doctor.”

“I’m glad.” She rests her face in the crook of River’s neck.

“Awfully snuggly this go around aren’t you? Not that eyebrows wasn’t. Just always pretended to be so grumpy about it.”

“I can’t be cross about anything at the moment. You’re alive.”

“I am and so are you. How about we get some sleep and we can talk more tomorrow. We have all the time in the universe now.”

“You watch us run.”


	2. Chapter 2

In her dreams the Doctor is still a Scottish man trying to break through a sheet of diamond.

She wakes to gentle hands and tender kisses and stares at her wife in disbelief. This soon after regeneration the Doctor knows not to trust her senses.

River has barely left the Doctor’s side, and the Doctor knows just how afraid she made her wife with her talk of not caring if she hadn’t regenerated. It helps having River so close, touching her and holding her, and trying so very hard to prove in any way possible that she is really alive.

But it’s so hard to believe. The despair had been so deep after Darillium that the Doctor had barely known how to continue on. Waking each morning had been a struggle, one the Doctor wasn’t sure she had truly wanted to win. And then Bill came into the Doctor’s life with her wonder and her smile. Bill. Her face haunts the Doctor’s dreams. A face of metal and steel where warm eyes had once lived.

“Sweetie?” River looks up from her archeology book. She’s so beautiful, curls messy from sleep, sitting on the kitchen counter in the TARDIS while their coffee brews. They’ve fallen back into the domesticity of their years on Darillium these last days together. It’s perfect and wonderful and the Doctor just wants to embrace it. She just wants to let go so badly and let herself believe.

“River.” Her voice cracks and she feels like her chest will burst with pain at the thought that River’s presence is all some kind of regeneration fueled hallucination

“What’s wrong?” River is jumping down from the counter top and crossing the room in an instant.

“Is this real?” the Doctor asks, hating herself at the pained expression the appears on River’s face. “Please tell me that you’re real.”

“Oh Sweetie.” River’s palm presses to the Doctor’s cheek, her other arm wrapping around her waist. “I’m real and I’m right here with you. You can feel my hand on your face can’t you?”

The Doctor closes her eyes. “You feel just like you do in my dreams. I stopped sleeping after you left for the library. It felt like losing you again every time I woke up.”

River’s arms are around her then, crushing the Doctor to her chest. She can feel River’s consciousness pressing in at the edges of her mind. “May I?” River asks. Her request for permission reminds the Doctor of all those who violated River’s mind as a child. The Doctor opens her eyes, meets her wife’s eyes, bright and clear and so in love, even after so much suffering.

The Doctor nods her consent, staring at her wife. And then she can feel River around her, inside her. She lets her walls down, lets her own mind flood into River’s.

She sees everything. Every corner of River’s mind is open. River lets the Doctor see her gnawing fear. She sees River sitting outside the library afraid to return to the Doctor, wondering if she will still be wanted and loved.

It breaks the Doctor’s heart.  All this time and River still doubts that the Doctor loves her. She guides River through her own mind, shows her how terribly lost and heartbroken she was without River. She pours all her love into River, pours every memory of loving River Song with every inch of her being into her wife.

She feels River react, feels her shock, her love. The Doctor can feel River searching cautiously, as if half afraid of what she will find in the Doctor’s mind. Oh how it hurts that River still doesn’t believe in the Doctor’s love.  The Doctor opens her mind, lets River see everything, cannot bare for these to be a single doubt. Finally there are no spoilers, every ugly corner of her mind is laid bare before her wife. She feels more connected to River than she ever has as her wife explores so many painful memories, loss after loss that the Doctor keeps buried. She lets River see the bloody mangled bodies of the time war and the deep pain of staring into Bill’s metallic eyes and the sting of Missy’s betrayal.

River is there soothing, staying, present in the Doctor’s mind and so, so full of love. She feels like River, a presence so familiar and so in sync with the Doctor’s mind that it could be no one other than River. The Doctor knows this feeling, cherishes it so deeply, has never forgotten it even in when she had lost River for so long. It can’t possibly be a dream.

This is real, her wife is here with her, the wife she thought dead for centuries, her wife who she mourned from the moment they met is alive and real, warm arms around her. The Doctor focuses on the feel of River’s arms, the warmth of her chest, the beating of her hearts. “I love you,” the Doctor whispers. She presses a kiss above River’s breast.

“I know Sweetie.” River catches the Doctor’s eyes, and the Doctor comes back to the physical, her mind still joined with River’s.

“I’ll keep proving it to you, I promise.” 

“I know.” River wipes tears from the Doctor’s cheeks. She hadn’t realized she was crying, hadn’t realized River was too, but now notices the matching tear marks on her wife’s face. The Doctor cradles River’s wet cheeks in her palms so overcome by love and joy she feels like her hearts will burst with it.

They stand there together, minds still intertwined, bodies tangled together, the TARDIS humming peacefully around them. The Doctor lets herself get lost in her wife and the comfort of her mind. She feels peace settle over River too, feels the fear fade as the Doctor floods her mind with love and acceptance.

 The Doctor loses track of time, a rare occurrence for someone who has spent her life navigating the intricacies of time and space. But now there is only River and this moment.

River presses a gentle kiss to the Doctor’s lips. It’s chaste, just as all the others have been since she regenerated. She trusts from the way River stares at her when she changes her clothes or steps out of the shower that her wife has no problem with her new body. The Doctor knows that River is trying to respect whatever it is that the Doctor needs, letting her find herself again after regenerating.

But they’ve lost so much time already and the Doctor wants River so much. She wants to explore every inch of her wife’s body with new hands and a new mouth. She feels overwhelmed with the need to be close to River, to feel their naked bodies pressed together.

The Doctor intertwines their hands bringing her wife’s fingers to her lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. She leads River down the hallway to their bedroom.

River stops frozen in her tracks as she walks in. The Doctor follows her line of sight to the tattered old blue diary. She had taken it out this morning while River was getting dressed. The book that had been the only remaining piece of her wife.

 “You read it?” River looks upset and the Doctor suddenly feels so guilty. She hadn’t thought of it as a betrayal of River’s trust. Rather the diary had been her salvation, the one piece of River than was still with her. The Doctor read it in her darkest times, let it remind her of who she was, kept her from slipping into darkness. She kept it in her coat, read it when she needed to feel close to her wife, stroked it lovingly when she lost her sight. She knew the feel of every inch of that book, had memorized every word.

“I’m sorry.”

 River releases the Doctor’s hand and walks to the bedside table where the diary lays, picking it up in her hands. She stares down at the book that the Doctor has always seen her wife caress fondly, the record of their love. But now River looks so very scared, her eyes fixed on the blue cover.

 “River? Please look at me.” She glances up reluctantly. They’d dealt with this in their first years on Darillium, River’s deep fear that if the Doctor saw who she really was that she wouldn’t be worth loving. The Doctor knows how deeply her wife is afraid that the Doctor won’t love her if she knows the dark corners of her hearts.

“Oh River," the Doctor sighs. “I’m sorry. I just missed you, and there were days when your diary was the only thing that kept me sane.”

“Some of the things that I wrote – “

“Every word made me love you more. River, you’re my wife.”

“Your bespoke psychopath.” She tries to smile, but the Doctor will not allow her to make light of this or play it off as some joke.

“I’ve never believed that.” The Doctor brings her palm to River’s cheek, holding River’s face up and refusing to let her look away. “You are a good woman River Song.”

“I’m really not.”

“You are. The best woman I’ve ever known. Let me show you.” The Doctor presses her lips to River’s.

River’s laughing then, her breath brushing against the Doctor’s mouth, and that beautiful sound ringing out in the quiet of their bedroom. “So suave this go around,” she mutters between laughs.

This Doctor succumbs to it too them, lets her wife’s joy infect her. Her own laughter mixing with River’s. They can’t seem to stop, the both of them shaking with laughter as the tension and fear seeps away.

“Your nose crinkles when you laugh now Doctor. And that laugh. I don’t think you’ve ever been this adorable before.”

“River Song, I am not adorable.”

“If you say so Sweetie. Now come to bed with me.”

“As you wish wife.”


End file.
